Dogs Playing Poker – The Movie!!!

Dogs Playing Poker – The Movie!!!

Forget Stagger Lee! Forget Rounders!! Forget the freaking World Series of Poker!!!

The next big, big movie is going to be my adaptation of the infamous, black velvet masterpiece, Dogs Playing Poker.

Hey, if they can make a smash Broadway play out of Seuret’s rather pointy “A Sunday Afternoon on the Island the La Grande Jatte”, why not use something your average I-may-not-know-about-art-but-I-know-what-I-like Joe might already have hanging on his wall?

It’s the Cincinnati Kid with pets!!!

Think of all of the crap we can sell!!!

Talking dogs. We can sell talking dogs. I mean -- Sit Ubu Sit – what kid wouldn’t want a smoky room full of canine cardsharks to interact with?

So, let’s check out the players.

I see Danny Devito as the street savvy and unscrupulous Bulldog. The stakes are high for Danny cause he owes a few thousand bones to the Russian mob. Will this be his Waterloo?

Then there’s Brian Cox as the St. Bernard that has seen it all. He knows all the tells.

And, Ricky Jay, as the collie, doing some Staccato David Mametisms while holding an ace up his flea collar the whole time.

Garfield (The voice of Billy Murray) and Clifford (The voice of Charles Grodin) have plans to knock over this friendly, neighborhood game. They were tipped off by a big-eyed waif named Keane who has thing for the bullfighter print she met at the tiki bar across the hall

Uh, oh, four of a kind meets the big bluff!!!

Joe Dante to direct. Am I right? And, we film in 3D to make that green felt table really pop!

Next week. Cooties -- The Sci Fi Thriller.

This is How It's Done

Coming Soon - Ryan Reynolds in Trapped

Ryan Reynolds in “Trapped”, a contained thriller/chick flick set in a porta potty during the Lilith Fair Tour.

Even if he gets out, he loses.

Pork Rinds and Applesauce

This is me trying to eat heart healthy in Georgia.

Hard to stay on the Peter Brady Diet down here.

Pokemon Character Found to Have Massive Mineral Deficiency

The adorable, Japanese equivalent of a Poker Playing Dog, Pikachu, Pokemon’s yellow, rodent mascot was rushed to the hospital yesterday after collapsing on the set of his new animated television show, Seth McFarlane’s The Groovy Brand New Adventures of Talking Shit That Makes Me Rich.

Doctors first believed the lovable character actor could be suffering from Heptatitis. “Well, he is awfully yellow,” said a hospital spokesman. “Even for Anime. And, he did have a long history of heroin addiction.” Needles found in his disheveled hovel of a Poke Ball seemed to have confirmed their suspicions.

A proper diagnosis was finally discovered after Nurse Sailor Moon (below) found the patient outside eating dirt and clay and dust bunnies.

“We should have guessed mineral deficiency right off the bat,” concurred one doctor. “All he ever eats is little balls of energy. And he keeps screeching ‘Pica Chew’. ‘Pica Chew’.”

Doctors believe the beloved Pokemon will be back hawking product and inducing susceptible children to epileptic seizures shortly.

Land Without Breadsticks

What I did in Film School and why I almost was thrown out.

I have gotten somewhat better.

But learned not to say Luis Bunuel is my favorite director at pitch meetings.

PRODUCT PLACEMENT QUESTION

Now that Hollywood has bought the rights to every bad remake, every television show from the past 60 years, every novel since Gutenberg started pressing, every story ever featured in Parade Magazine, every fucking comic book, every fucking graphic novel, every Disney ride, every children’s toy and now every board game, I must ask the question.

How many Ouja Boards did Parker Brothers sell after the Exorcist came out?