Tuesday, November 23, 2010

My Girlfriend Doesn't Get Me Part 16

I asked for The Anarchist Cookbook, she brought me Rachael Ray's Ten Minute Meals.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

John Boehner Helps Nasa

His orange tears can supply enough daily Tang for 18 astronauts.

Natural Health News

John Boehner's skin discovered to be nature's most powerful antioxidant!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Housekeeping Finds 1,000 Monkeys With Typewriters in James Frey's Room.

Pisssed cause he's paying them more than me!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Yet More Noir Dames

The redhead played me alright. Played me like a Milton Bradley's Simon with dying batteries.

Even More Noir Dames

She had lips that could suck a ship right out of a bottle.

More Noir Dames

She had gams like Jacob's Ladder -- So, I had her clean the gutters.

Noir Dames

She came into my juke joint with a 45. And, there I was without a spindle.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Friday, November 5, 2010

Former Symbionese Liberation Army Member Working On Children’s Book

Here’s an exclusive excerpt:

A is for Acid
When You Can’t leave A Trace

B is For Balaclava
You put over your Face

C is for Cobra
Sprouting Seven Heads

D is for Denouncing Your Former Life
Right before Bed.

The author, still incarcerated, is having trouble getting a publisher. "Hell, they even let that terrorist, Glenn Beck write a friggin; Christmas book."

Thursday, November 4, 2010

The Bilderberg Group thanks you for voting

Your Screenplay Sucks #33

The Map to the Elephants Graveyard tattooed under the toenail of the girl your protagonist just picked up in the last Starbucks standing after the Marrakesh Earthquake just a wee bit convenient.

Your Screenplay Sucks #21

Please, I don't care if you're their nephew. No one will want to see "Hall and Oates on Mars".

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Elect More Orange People

Need an Awesome Movie Title? – Just Try Some Warren Zevon Lyrics.

I’ve been listening to Excitable Boy over and over the past few days and it’s a bountiful bonanza of bitchin’ movie titles.

If you’re hard pressed finding the perfect moniker for your screenplay, try a few of these on for size:

I Hear Woodrow Wilson’s Guns – A grand oater

Veracruz is Dying – A western or maybe a gang banger flick.

Tenderness on the Block – Another romcom for J.Lo or a coming of age weeper.

Lawyers, Guns and Money – Why hasn’t this been used yet?!!!

Dad, Get Me Out Of This – Ferris Bueller type teen romp or The George W. Bush Story.

She Was With the Russians Too – Cold War Spy Comedy

Nighttime in the Switching Yard – Noir, Noir Noir.

Accidentally like A Martyr – Small indie all over it.

Shadow Love – Contained thriller.

Random Love – Sex Comedy

Werewolves of London – Okay, a remake.

The Hairy-Handed Gent – Fantasy or a bad date story.

Draw Blood – For the next ultra-violent Tarantino wannabe.

Roland The Headless Thompson Gunner – Russell Crow in the jungle with a big ass weapon. Jake Busey as the son-of-a-bitch Van Owen

They’ll be Rocking in the Projects –Music teacher beating the band and the odds in an inner city school

Excitable Boy – I see Jonah Hill as that said boy!