Monday, February 22, 2010

New Study Shows Drooling Attracts Women

In a case study published today in Oui Magazine, scientists at the Faber University Medical School showed the highest level of opposite-sex-attracting pheromones in the body are located in the male saliva glands.

They speculate that a good mouthful of drool, spittle, phlegm and mucous would be not unlike showcasing a pond full of dragonflies if you were hunting a frog.

The studies conclude that while trying to lure a female, males simply have to open wide and drool.

And, nature then will take its course.

It works they say.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Ronald McDonald House Arrest

When I heard the news that Mayor McCheese pardoned the Hamburglar, I could only Grimace.

The corruption in McDonaldland is like Chicago during Daley!

The Happy Meal Gang continues to run wild. Citizens are scared, keeping to their homes. "We deserve a break today." They protest.

Officer Big Mac went bat ass crazy on one cub reporter. He is currently in stable conditioning, having broken 3 mcRibs.

Where is our iconic clown, town founder, Ronald, when we need him most?

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

My Bologna Has A First Name -- Thus It Filled Out The Census

Wondering If I can claim lil' Oscar as a dependent on my taxes next.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

God Bless The Kinks

For your musical pleasure.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Bar Mitzvah Band Hit With Rhythm Stick Now Can’t Help but Whale Out

Canarsie, Brooklyn 1964. During young Irv Fleishman’s Bar Mitzvah, local klezmer group, The Sound Incorporated accidentally got hit by a drive by Rhythm Stick which would soon greatly affect their tempo and their general outlook on life.

“It was a blessing in disguise,” says guitarist, Ernie Babbalo. “We're so happy. Now we can’t help but whale out all the time.”

Still a fixture at glat kosher catering halls around town, the band will play anything but a bris. “We can’t be responsible for any slip ups if we should suddenly whale out on the drums.”

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Juke Box Jury – Trial #1 My Little Red Book

I can’t write my Dadaist little manifestos all the time. Some nights I just have to play music snob and break out the vinyl.

So, let’s get interactive on the comment boards and play a little Juke Box Nuremberg as my old pal, Ed Newman would say. (See I always credit a good gag even long after the statue of limitations has expired.)

Here are a few different versions of Burt Bacharach’s oft-covered classic, My Little Red Book. Which is your favorite on this Mao-infused number?

We start with Arthur Lee and Love, the influential LA psychedelic band.

Now, A Brit take by Manfred Mann. As seen in the flick, What's New Pussycat.

And Elvis Costello dueting with Burt himself. Finally, a video that works.

Toni Basil tried it on for size in the 80s.

A truly horny version with Tony Middelton and Burt's Orchestra.

So, Jury, please deliberate!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Sherlock Holmes and The Vengeance Of Dracula News

My Review for Sherlock Holmes and The Vengeance Of Dracula on Scriptshadow.