Saturday, June 2, 2012
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Time Travel Mission # 2
Monday, May 21, 2012
Failed iPhone Ads #213 -- Tom Waits
Siri: I see a hobo encampment just a few miles down the road. Would you be needing your poo pants?
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
HOT STUFF, THE LITTLE DEVIL, IS ALL GROWN UP
Hot Stuff, The Little Devil from the Harvey Comics, is all grown up now, a divorced dad, making ends meet by teaching Hammered Dulcimer privately in Santa Fe, New Mexico.
In a snazzy bollo tie and dockers instead of the trademark asbestos diapers of his youth, Hot – now going by the name Hiram Spellman – still stands out in a crowd (even a Santa Fe crowd) with his alarmingly red skin, horns and devil tail. But, Hiram claims that he had long ago given up his impish ways and now just wants to teach the world to sing and strum.
He says that he picked up the instrument soon after seeing the Juggernaut Jug band play at an Austin Chili Fest he was emceeing. “I just fell in love right then and there,” he said. “My eyes was tearing up from that beautiful music like no Jalepeno pepper ever could. I knew this was my destiny. Why I was put on this lower level beneath the center of the Earth.
His long time feud and legal battles with Hellboy has finally been put behind him. It still seems a painful subject for Spellman, who reportedly was paid an undisclosed amount rumored to be in the high seven figures.
“Hollywood ripped me off, Man. That’s all I want to say about it. Think I even got anything out of all them tattoos? Anything from the 108th Field Battery? Anything from Diablo Cody?”
His highly publicized tie-in marriage to Wendy the Good Little Witch merely lasted three months. His drinking binges and flame throwing antics became legendary. The cops even had to take away his trusty trident.
Pastor Leo Dunwich of the Santa Fe Foursquare Church stands behind his new parishioner. “It may stretch your theology a bit to see a demon on our worship team,” he said. “But, I believe our God is a forgiving God and everyone, including third tier comic book characters, can be redeemed.”
We asked if he ever sees his old friend, Casper, the friendly ghost, anymore.
“He’s a fucking ghost,” Hiram explained, a little heat showing under his collar. "No one sees Casper anymore.”
Friday, January 27, 2012
When My Son, Stanislaus, Was Born
On the day my son, Stanislaus, was born, we gave each of our human statues an extra ration coupon of horse meat.
When My Son, Stanislaus, Was Born
When my son, Stanislaus, was born, we gave the Turkish Envoy a ten-minute head start before we released the sand eels.
When My Son, Stanislaus, Was Born
When my son, Stanislaus, was born, we closed the Beer Gardens and threw our hatchets at the swans.
Letters To A Young Hitman Part 1
It takes way too long to dispose of a body in a Frosty Sno-Cone Machine.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Movie Reviews
I loved the part in the Iron Lady when Maggie goes up against The Monitor and The Merrimac.
A Moon Pie is Just a Mallomar Left on The Train Tracks
A Moon Pie is just a Mallomar left on the train tracks.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Tempest In A Teapot Scalds Tuscaloosa Woman
Tuscaloosa, AL. A High Tea at the Tuscaloosa Ritz Hotel soon turned into tragedy when a small tempest formed in a teapot during a local chapter’s Red Hat Society Meeting, spilling the entire contents of Constant Comment onto the acting treasure’s lap.
According to Meteorologists, the weather anomaly came totally without warning. Hostess, Gwen Porter, a guest worker from London, however, wasn’t too surprised. There had been signs of a cyclone in a cream bowl earlier that day. The Red Hats were as usual making a huge fuss over nothing, complaining about the service and the quality of our scones. They certainly brought that storm in a teacup on themselves.
In a related story, the red hats would later that day attract the unwanted attention of some escaped 4-H farm animals when Bulls suddenly attacked the women as they visited the hotel’s fabulous china shop.
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