Saturday, January 22, 2011

The Many Coups of King Vitamin

After protestors in Vitaministan stormed their tiny country’s castle and guards shot roughly 75 people, Ross Atinafato has proclaimed himself the new king, King Vitamin IV. Here are excerpts from his interview:

Newsweek: What actually cased the outbreak of violence?

King Vitamin IV: A number of reasons. Corruption. Political repression. Shortages of our precious national resource, Riboflavin.

Newsweek: You said you would not extend the military base rights for the U.S.

King Vitamin IV: We are opposed to your current’s president’s High Fructose-Deterrence Strategy. Mr. Obama you are a newcomer. Wait until the milk is poured and get some experience.

Newsweek: What about rumors of Vitaminstan pirates operating off your coast?

King Vitamin IV: We are a small country without a navy, founded on strong Quaker Principles. We welcome NATO’s help in finally defeating this scourge, Crunch and his damned crunch berries. So, would you like to have breakfast? Breakfast with the King?

Newsweek: You have already been accused as being just as harsh as your predecessor.

King Vitamin IV: What? Does it look like I cut out this cockamamie crown from the back of a cardboard box?

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