Friday, June 18, 2010

Clam Pickle Vs. Captain Chutney Wombat

Dear Ann Arbor Craig’s List,

I overheard you yesterday at the Davie Street Starbucks, approximately at 3:00 PM saying how you could draw.

As you were at a Starbucks in the middle of the afternoon, I imagine you can draw really good enough not to have to have a day job.

Good for you.

I’m hoping you are interested in illustrating my new comic book masterpiece, Clam Pickle Vs. Captain Chutney Wombat.

Can you draw superheroes? Can you draw muscles? Big muscles? Please send me a doodle of a dissected starfish if you’re interested in continuing.

You’ll need to know a little marine biology if ya wanna run with me on this one. The squeamish dare not apply.

See, Clam Pickle is a superhero. An Aquatic one. Like Aquaman. But, he’s also America’s first hermaphrodite superhero. Hell, it’s 2010. It’s about fricking time.

So, Clam Pickle is a little bit Submariner and a little bit Jamie Lee Curtis. A little bit country and a little bit rock n roll. A little bit clam and a little bit pickle.

Oh, I forgot to ask. Can you draw juggs. Really bug juggs. Like the gals from a King Conan paperback?

Hopefully your religious beliefs will not get in the way of drawing this rather graphic graphic novel.

So because of global warming or an oil leak or something, Clam Pickle is now based on dry land. He lives on a houseboat in Fort Lauderdale.

When some geeks get beat up during Spring break, they become the Secret League of Junior Mad Scientists and summon up the spirit of Captain Chutney Wombat with a drum, a piñata and a gator skull they unearthed from a sacred Indian burial mound and casino.

Captain Chutney Wombat is the spirit of an Nazi Doctor that experimented with gauchos and Guarani tribesmen in the jungles of Paraguay. He is an expert poisoner and an evil, vile villain.

Look, if you’re like me and wanna get out of Ann Arbor, please join me and Captain Pickle to get rich just as quick as we can crank out his next adventure.

I look forward to hearing from you.

I did notice that you were half or so Asian and hope you’re not married to drawing manga. I see Clam Pickle as more 70s Marvel than fucking manga.


Harv Trubovitz
The Guy at the table behind you.
I am sometimes said to be a little smelly

No comments:

Post a Comment