Oswego, NY. A unicycle made entirely of old Brillo and steel wool pads did not ride well with one Oswego resident yesterday.
Karl Kuer, local who found the contraption in the back alley of a Fridays, decided to show off to his friends and ride the internal machine.
“This town doesn't have a mechanical bull.” Said Kuer. “This seemed like the next, best thing. Hell, I was drunk. And, I was losing my blind date’s interest by the minute. I thought this was sent down by the Gods just in time to get me laid.”
But it was not to be a smooth ride.
He was treated for minor bleeding hemorrhoids by the prostological hospital and should make a full recovery.
The fiend behind the unicycle of old Brillo pads has yet to be identified. It is believed it may be the same hoaxster responsible for the piñata full of rusty nails left at a 7/11 last May and the tetherball replaced with a rotted calf’s head at the Grovefield Park the month before.
Oswego Police are asking the public for help and warning area drunks to stay off any suspicious self-balancing apparatus.
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