Saturday, April 10, 2010

Volcano Erupts Because of Kick-Ass Release

I guess I’m in Roger Ebert’s camp on this one. This flick is Clockwork Orange for kids. What has happened to our society? Maybe Rush was kinda-sorta right – Maybe the volcano erupted cause of the release of this movie! The God of good taste is really pissed!

I’m just relieved it wasn’t in 3-D to boot

Now, I’m not totally against ultra-violence or a good kick in the yarbles, but not with high school kids and especially not will an 11 year-old girl. At this rate that Serbian film will no longer be taboo. Yes, soon even two and half men will have a baby rape episode glide past the censors. When the does the envelope stop getting pushed and get put in the shredder?

At the tender age of eight, my dad took me to see Walkabout which I think is the defining moment of my warping. I guess he thought it was a Disney flick. It had nature in it -- and some rather graphic Nicolas Roeg shit that no child should be subjected to. Oh, well, what he did he know? We used to spend Divorced Dad Saturdays at the OTB.

So, with my sensibilities already Tarantinoed, I thought I’d rather enjoy Kick-Ass.

But, I left the theater feeling dirty. Telling my co-writer “That was perverse” (Yes, with the French pronunciation) and wondering if I should really be partnered with a dude who has already seen this piece of not quite garbage (hard to classify it) twice.

Don’t worry, Co-writing dude. You are the Chang to my Eng.

Is it cause I’m older now? Got Religion? Maybe I’ve lived down south too long. There are just some words you don’t say in polite company. And, when we first meet Hit Girl, she says that word that one must never utter – the one that would make even George Carlin’s rotting corpse blush.

Look, maybe you should know two or things about me. I like Kevin Smith when he is yacking on stage but I hate his movies. Who talks like that in real life? Really? Now, I know people no longer talk like in Preston Sturges movies or The Gilmore Girls, but I’d rather live in a word where they did.

I think the original Haunting (don’t get me started on the remake) that didn’t show anything was scarier than Drag me to Hell which needed a barf bag in the price of admission.

Am I no longer fan boy? Did I graduate from Manchildhood. Parents, lock up your children. Kick-ass was just wrong. And, like any forbidden fruit, they’re gonna sneak over a barbed wire fence just to get a bite.

That’s just my opinion. What do I know. I already downed two pear ciders hoping to wash some of those images off my retinas.

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